Cupcake Land

What's up with the cupcake craze? I tell you what. IT'S AMAZING. Cupcakes will rule the world someday. Mark my words.

I wish I could come up with some ancient explanation for this historical, culinary movement. Like, cupcakes sprang forth from an ancient class of bakers who performed sacred rights with miniature cakes, because big cakes were too heavy to be carried on their various pilgrimages. Or, maybe there is a lost biblical story: there was only one cake for 200 people at an art opening. . . miraculously said cake transformed into a lotsa little cakes. Yeah, that sounds about right.


So, my birthday was the 24th. Lots of curious things happened on February 24th: the first time nylon was used commercially (in tooth brushes), Wilhelm Grimm of Grimm's Fairy tales was born in 1786, the science fiction writer, Octavia Butler passed away, and the birth Billy Zane. Yes, I share a birthday with Billy Zane. And Barry Bostwick. Isn't that hilarious?


ANYWAY. I thought I would celebrate my birthday by staying home. I made tuna melt, and watched two scary episodes of Supernatural and then I went out. BIG MISTAKE. I tried to get a cupcake. All I really wanted was a cupcake! How hard could that be? Just a simple cupcake. . . I couldn't find one to save my life, or my birthday. I should have just ordered one from etsy.

In etsy land, there are lots of cupcakes to choose from, real and imagined:




DANAES BATH AND BODY




Somebody better tell me what kind of Druid magick this is, comin' out of Austin, Texas. DANG. Are you SURE I can't eat this? Danaes makes. . . SOAP cupcakes. I feel like Augustus Gloop about to dive into the Wonka chocolate river (but, just for the record, that Dove commercial where the chocolate river engulfs the city, is NOT my idea of fun, exactly)! But Danaes' cupcake soaps look so real. . . so inviting. . . if I had a bathtub, I would be all over this soap. Ohhh, I'm feeling a little dirty. . .might need to have my mouth washed out with cupcake soap! Time to rent a hotel room and have a little fun!

Just in case you want to EAT a cupcake:



VEGAN EASE



Okay, this is what I SHOULD have ordered for my birthday. I might have to do it after the fact: sometimes, I just look at Vegan Ease's cupcakes and day dream I can taste that criss-cross, white icing. The texture of the icing. . . the. . . the. . .
I can't talk anymore. Wait-- I have to tell you-- they come four to a box, and they're BIG. Just get these flippin' cupcakes ASAP.




DR. FAUXTESS!

VEGAN HONEY

I remember going to the gas station, back in the day-- my dad would always buy
us a Hostess cupcake 2-pak. He would eat one, and I gobbled down the other. Now I won't go within 10 feet of the things-- you know what's in them. NOTHING. PETROLEUM. Crazy.
But VEGAN HONEY makes the most yummy "fake" version of the cup cake favorite:




Look at that. So pretty. Yummy. I wish I could have one right now, and here's why:



I am delighted to present to you the vegan Fauxstess Cupcake! Devilishly good devils food cake stuffed with a whipped cream frosting and decorated with the classic swirl!

FOUR scrumptious vegan Fauxstess cupcakes can be yours. . .
Brooklyn based Vegan Honey uses no animal by-products including dairy, eggs or honey in any of their baked goods. But you'll never tell the difference!And don't forget, five percent of all sales go to various animal advocacy, environmental and social justice organizations!


I think that's pretty dang cool, Vegan Honey.






Okay, so I had to show you my version of an electronrings cupcake:




It's neither a cup, nor a cake. But, that's what I was thinking when I made it.
Sprinkles and all. . .